An Exit to Paradise
The pressure of today has gotten to me. My job feels like an overbearing weight upon my back. The world feels as if it will never allow me to catch up. I feel my heart being thrust into the atmosphere like a rock hurdled into the sky.
I reach for it, but my grasp is to slow. So I watch it blend into the shadows of space. It twinkles for just a moment between the darkness and stars, as if to say goodbye one last time.
It's five O'clock, I can finally step out of my office and breathe some air.
I'm walking down the hall to the exit, I can see the exit only a few more steps and I'm free. The glass doors shimmer from the evening sun. Casting shadows beneath the trees just outside. I long to bask in such shadows with a drink in hand and nothing but the wind.
But as I leave and my hand touches the handle of the exit a voice calls my name,
I want to keep walking but I know who it is and I know they know I heard. I hesitate for a moment, I can feel my freedom about to be stripped in the very moment I was about to bath in it. As I freeze to respond, I clench the handle to the exit with my right hand tightly.
A feeling of dread washes over my face, I force a smile as I turn around to face the demise of my day.
"Yes, what can I do for you boss?!" I say as I squeeze the handle of the exit with all my might.
The boss looks at me and tilts her head slightly and eases her reply with a soft but assertive tone,
"Can you come into work tomorrow morning and finish your write up? The higher ups need it sooner than expected."
I let go of the handle, I let my purse fall from my shoulder and slide down into my hand. I can feel the rage in my body waiting to explode. My body begins to feel hot, my heart pulsates with anxiety. I try to smile, I really do, but a tear escapes me instead.
I become infuriated and sad all at once. I look at my boss sternly and clench my purse. I remove my heels in heat. I'm now holding my purse in one hand an my red heels in another. I become disheveled in my thoughts, except for what I'm about to say. And what I say comes out with anger and sore eyes.
"Reese, (my boss) I won't come in tomorrow! I am tired of always being the one. I get it, everyone else sucks, everyone else is lazy. Slow neanderthals of the mind. They would rather coast through their day hiding in a bathroom stall never to go home early and never get a raise if it meant not having to work. I have been nothing but excellent at my job. I have never missed a day, even when I am sick. ( I drop my shoes and purse and start gesturing wildly with my hands as I speak.)
I have never even missed a deadline. Yet here I am, chosen once again to give up my time for someone else. I get it, that is what I am paid for, what I am supposed to do. I signed the dotted line to this job knowing full well. But I did not expect this job to try and pry every second of my life.
I have been here too long and I am not paid well enough to suffer through this any longer.
( I pause for a moment as my boss looks at me with a juggling face of fear and frustration toward my answer.)
I adjust my outfit, grab my shoes and purse and turn away from my boss. As I start to walk back out I look at the secretary at the front desk. Her face is splashed in surprise. We lock eyes as I push the exit open and she smiles at me. In that moment I knew what I did was the right thing. The boss had nothing to say, she stood there dumbfounded and tongue tied for words.
The moment I said, I quit, I felt the world lift from me. I have been forcing myself day in and day out to work for this company for what? To pay my bills and make it to the next day, only to do it all over again?
The second I step outside I feel the warm breeze of a summer evening blow over me. I let down my hair and walk quickly to my car. I 'm still a bit flustered, an emotional ride is still taking me. I pull my key fob from my purse.
I click the button to unlock my car numerous times as I walk over to it. When I get to it, I try to open it. But it is still locked, with residual anger I press madly on the key fob and kick my tire. I then realize I was pressing the lock button.
I laugh a little as another tear falls. I then open the door and throw myself into my car. I collapse on the seat. I push the key into the ignition and turn on the car. But I forget to press in the clutch and fail to get it into gear. Everything in me is igniting like a fire.
My heart is pulsating fast. The sun is beating down on my car and I can feel it on my face. The heat is getting to me I can tell. I turn on the A/C in my unfamiliar state. I then look into the rear-view mirror and look into my eyes.
I start to cry, everything in me is telling me to let go. So I do, I freely flow with my emotions. The world feels like it has come to a complete stop. I allow my head to rest upon the steering wheel as I cry. I grip my hands around it as well and squeeze.
I start to scream, I press back into my seat, head against it. Still holding to the wheel, I then hear a thought cross my mind.
"I did it, I set myself free."
As soon as the thought passes I smile, I let in a heavy breath and slowly release it. I feel at ease suddenly. I can feel my soul rush back into me, for so long it felt as if I had lost it. I gather myself, put the car into gear and drive off into rays of the sun.
Have you ever dedicated your time to something over and over for something that never vared about you or something you never cared for?
Stop! You need this in your hands now, A Man's Traveled Heart
Coming soon, The Bleeding of Words
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