Posts

The Restoration of an (Outgoing) Introvert

Image
The Restoration of an (Outgoing) Introvert
It's not that I don't want to see you, it's that I can't. I can't do this anymore, I am exhausted. Every waking hour, it is them, you, us, him, her, this that. A barrage of active minds in world I find wonderful but grow tired of.

I am not dulled by your presence or any others. I am rather, drained, as one might be after excreting themselves in exercise. I need time to present my heart, my mind, with silence. With myself and myself alone.

Allow me to play my instruments without an audience. Without the subtle hints that you want to do something else. Let me be quiet for moments to come and let time fade between the bones of my flesh. Trickling through like atoms of earth.

I need to bring nourishment from the quiet waning of stillness. No motion, but the beating of my heart. No sound, but the calming of my thoughts. I love....you, all of you as I did yesterday, but today, today I am spent of vitality.

I am receding to the g…

An Island Proposal

Image
An Island Proposal 
 We were on an island for vacation, we had been together for four years. It was the perfect day the perfect evening. The day was and will always be one of the best days of my life. I remember, I reserved us a private table out on the very exclusive area of the resort.

The water would flow up and hug the shore just a few feet from us. A cool breeze between the glossy night heat would kiss our faces. Everything was perfect, except for my mind. All day I was in a constant hold of anxiety, nervous to the core, desperately shaking inside.
I ran the scenarios of what was going to happen and what I was going to say a million times. At moments we would be talking and I would lose track of what she was saying. I was so busy concentrating on that night.
More than a few times she got frustrated with my lack of responsiveness to her questions. I did my best to steer us from falling into rocky waters. Which each time I thought we would surely fall and she would be angery with m…

A Cancer is No End

Image
A Cancer is No End 

I'm cuffed, tied to reality. I am held to a strict limit of ability, today, that limit has been reached. Though I have no say in what happens next, I will not have idle hands nor an idle heart. I will be the stone from which you can stand on.

Allowing a solid foundation, for I want you not to fall to the misery that has come forward. This tragedy is not the end, unless you wish it do be. Much more is to come, but only if you fight, if we fight. If we take in our breathes as if they are our last and charge.

Taking aim at life and allowing the growing of flowers. Creating a theme of faith and turning it to reality. Bringing forth good fortune to the mind and casting our the filth that wishes to cloud you. I can only image the fear that is tempted your heart now.

Crooked like branches from a wild tree. Springing from the belly of doubt as they rise from your soul. Slowly constricting your hope. But this will not be, for we will prune, cut, severe, eradicate the ex…

A River Bed of Clarity

Image
A River Bed of Clarity

 What is the point he thought, as he tossed another stone into the river? An edged anxiety trickles at his throat. His hair skewed from his late night thoughts, rest is no longer part of his appetite. He reeks of anguish and sorrow, his eyes pulled by the gravity of loneliness.

 He decides to sit upon the river bank, clasping his hands to his knees. A slight rocking of his body takes hold of him as his heart quivers. A subtle fog creeps from the woods across the way. He watches it unfold from the base of the trees, it falls to the body of water.

 He looks at it with a familiar feeling, he starts to think aloud, "Alone, like this fog, drifting to the cold banks of water, escaping the foot of darkness, finding open space so that I may drift up toward the sky and disappear. This, this is how I feel, I am sinking and hoping for something to lift me."

 He pauses the motion of his body, picks up another rock and tosses it into the river. A tear falls from hi…

A Beast Among the Flames

Image
A Beast Among the Flames 
Lighting strikes the open plains setting the dry grass ablaze. Fires start to rise from the hill tops in the distance like signals. I can feel the heat from the flames that blaze only yards from me. The sweet scent of wet grass resonates against the smell of burning earth.

Smoke melds with the dark clouds above, forming a fondness for each other. I can feel my chest rising with heavy breaths as I prepare my mind. This is either the end or a start to another day. Kneeling on one knee I press myself up and stand.

I look around me as the world before me looks as if hell is bursting from earth. In the chaos I find serenity, for I am built for this, trained for this.

I finished my indulgence of my surroundings and pull my sword from the ground.

I raise it with my right hand pulling it near my chest. The point of my blade stands five inches above my head. I close my eyes and start to rhythmically pound the armor of my chest with my other hand.

Thud, thud, thud....t…

An Unexpected Angel

Image
An Unsuspected Angel 

The other the day, I decided to walk into a bar alone and have a drink. I am not one for drinking alone, especially on a week day. But something about today drew me to the taste of a beer. Maybe it was the sun beaming down with its relentless heat.

What ever the reason, my want to cool off from the sun may have preceded the desire to drink. A tumbling affect, dominoes maybe. What ever the reason was, I decided to go with it. I hardly drink anymore after the stupor decisions I made in my past while drunk.
I have distanced myself well from my poor decisions. I have clarity in my life now, I have direction and purpose. No more waking with a stomach full of booze that leaves me nausea like a flu. Or waking with that awkward feeling of what the hell did I do?
Besides all that, as I entered the bar a cool breeze from the a/c welcomed my overly heated body. A smile of relief fell upon my face and then even more I desired a beer. A cool, so called refreshing, though it o…

A Land of Memory

Image
A Land of Memory
 As the river seeps to the ocean I feel my soul expand to the glossing waves of summer. Crashing against the once broken shore of my heart. But now my sands vibrate with excitement, attracting the risk of the unknown.

 Blossoming with arms wide open to catch the unforeseen as do shores reeling in debris. I follow with my eyes to heed to the beauty of my thoughts. Never catering fully to the echoes that call from the ever ebbing waves.

 The lodge that sits at the edge of the woods once swelled with painful misery. My heart was torn from my ribs at the hand of my love. I quelled my misery in the delight of vices as I fought to forget her lips, her soul.

 Our feet used to press together into these sands as we waltzed with smiles and eyes fixated to each others glistening horizons. Every flower reminded me of her beauty, of her elegance. Just as flowers sway to the touch of wind, so did her hair.

 Such aroma do flowers give, but their scent is sparse to what she once held…