Our Self-Loathing


Our Self-Loathing 

Why do we do what we know will harm us?

What is the joy of placing ourselves in agony?

We so often play the victim of our heads. Stretching our days as far as we can; just to avoid the waking of the morning. To avoid the repercussions of our lousy ruling. But it is inevitable, that upon our waking, we shall regret last minute slumber.

Too afraid to sacrifice the ails of our own doings for the gratification of the instant; of things that only consume us to decay. To not let go of what brings us meager comfort. Bringing atrophy, not only to the body, but to the mind. Till we are but walking ruins of disgust, that not even ourselves find joy in company.

We elect food that rots our teeth over foods that bring us strength. We become sheep to our weakened ego and desire that which it favors. Feasting till our bowels become irritated with the digestion of the simplistic. As we watch our guts expand like the rapacious pig; ending each day in the misery of our reflection.

Only to place ourselves at the whims of pathetic moral judgement. Kneeling to the mental sufferings of our own thinking. Choosing to sleep during recreation; rather than take heed to improvement. Placing words in our heads that bring us no hope, as if to give us approval of our sickly choices.

Examining ourselves inch by inch; plucking flaws from our flesh, our minds. As if to only remove the roses and leave the weeds. We plaster our minds with weakness and a tongue of pity. Scouring our remains from the thrones of excuses.

Sprouting ourselves bitter lips upon our own existence. Rather than praising for what we are doing right. In attempt to bring love so that we may better situate ourselves in the grooming of a better us. Seeing that, though we may have flaws; we have strengths.

Though we may be unpleasant to ourselves, we have friends that our kind to us. If not friends, I assure you more than a handful of strangers would act kind upon you; but only if you are willing to act in kindness of yourself.

In seeing such things, maybe, we could turn ourselves inward. Reach into our hearts and no longer succumb to the spiteful self we created. That we may face our suffering and push through the rigors of hard work. To turn what we find putrid, into reasons to move forward.

To not settle for the lack of what we do not have, but be happy for what we do. That seeing the emptiness, the scowling screams of loathing to be reason enough to never be who we were. To see through it all like glass and place it to our backs. So that when we turn around, we see the excruciating pain that awaits us if we choose to quit.
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Thank you for reading!!

I hope you find the self you want to be and that you become the loving person you are. 
Embrace the pain and push through it, change will come, it will be uncomfortable; but it will be worth it. 

More beautiful thoughts to be found in, A Man's Traveled Heart
Coming October 2018, The Bleeding of Words

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