Death Over Public Speaking
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A Man's Traveled Heart
Death Over Public Speaking
It builds like the suds of soap, but lacks the ability to bring cleanliness. I feel it boiling in my gut, wretchedly pulling at my nerves. Sweat seeps like droplets of rain upon my head. I look into the distance and I see a thousand faces. Bearing with stern eyes, but some stare with no intent to care.
But still, I worry with what may be said if my tongue becomes tied. If I trip upon my own thoughts like a drunk. Slurring to the next as I blush with crimson. Worry hurdles itself at my heart, rushing my mind with what I know is foolish thought. But I cling to it for it is what I know, to pause my heart like a victim. To succumb to the horns of fear, and as fear pierces my thoughts and drags me through its muddled darkness.
My hands become tremors of my flesh, my eyes become nervous in view. And I clench with the misery of fear. I become a bucket for it fill, to billow over till I can stand no more. And as I stare into the crowd of eyes. I know they see the weakness that buries my words as my voice syncs with fragile tone.
No command finds its way from my voice, I choke, with each passing word. The room begins to darken, to shrink. I feel a sense of haste, but time seems to drag on. The hands of time laugh as I mumble in my own language. Losing my thoughts like a derailed train.
I become a massacre of my own brain. Creating fiction before my own eyes. Everything in me tells me to stop, to run! To find comfort in the absence of my fear.
But as my eyes begin to brim with salted fright, a voice tells me to ignore everything in sight. To take up my words and command them to be. That these eyes before me are blessed to be in front of me, as are they for me. And though fear may be weighing heavy upon my tongue. Those before me wish me no harm, as I do myself.
They are not the judge of my thoughts, plans, my words, nor my presence. It is only I who can crack the mallet upon my thoughts. This is my chance to reach beyond the voice of fear, to hold true to my being and rise above these absurd thoughts I forge with my own feeble attempts.
This is but one moment that I will press forward, free myself from the bowls of my own hell of fear. To bring light upon this moments and find the bliss within it. It is not their eyes that will bring me to my knees, but the voices in my mind that I choose to please.
Does public speaking scare you? It still scares me but I have learned to ignore that fear and press on.
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